Hello, my name is Msha Mrrs and, until recently, I lived a very quiet life. I always used to think of myself as being small and ordinary, someone you really wouldn’t notice and probably wouldn’t remember meeting.

I was a quiet, shy child who often hid from others. There was a reason for this and it’s a secret I have kept for many years.
My childhood was not a happy one. My parents, who had presumably married in a tide of overflowing optimism and love, realised too late that they were not suited to each other. As their relationship deteriorated and love turned to loathing, the climate in our home would swing from fiery confrontations to icy silences. There was no physical violence that I was aware of, but I was nevertheless frightened and unsure of my place in this small saga. When I was very young, I was frightened to go to either one of them in case it raised the ire of the other by a seeming show of preference. As I grew older, it seemed they grew tired of their constant battle with each other and often directed their anger and discontent at me. So, I learnt to make myself small and inconsequential – unnoticed and safe.
I carried these characteristics into my adult life, living quietly, avoiding attention. Working as a librarian suited my character and my survival instincts. My life was ordered and peaceful, all the things my homelife had never been growing up, and though at times I felt almost despair at the dull monotony of my daily life, there was comfort in in the absence of turmoil.
As the years passed, I had a strange feeling that I was shrinking, becoming more transparent and that my childhood goal, to be invisible, was coming to fruition. This was brought home to me one day when I was in a shop, waiting to be served. I waited patiently for my turn, but I was constantly overlooked until, finally, I was the only customer left. But instead of being served, the shop assistant disappeared out the back and I was left alone and unattended. I realised that I was finally invisible. Unable to call out to the assistant, through years of conditioning in not bringing attention to myself, I returned home to take stock of what had happened.

I thought about my childhood, that little girl who made herself small, who wished to be invisible, who hid from the anger and disappointment of her parents and blamed herself. I looked at the years stretching ahead of me and realised that the picture presented was not one I wanted. I knew it was time for the little girl to heal and the only way to do that was to become part of the world, to be seen and heard.

But determination and courage are not the same. I couldn’t suddenly step outside of myself and become someone different just because I desired it. So, I decided that the easiest way for me to become more visible was through my clothes – after all, what we wear tells the world what we think about ourselves.

For the next few months, I occupied myself designing and then hand printing fabric. I had no idea where this sudden creativity came from, but I realised there was so much about myself I didn’t know – I had always been too scared to find out. I chose bright colours and bold designs and then I made myself some beautiful dresses.

When I finished, I thought there was no way I could wear them as they were too bright, too bold and sure to scream “Look at me”. But when I slipped the first dress on, I felt a change. I liked the way I looked, and I felt oddly emboldened. It was time for Msha Mrrs to stop hiding and make a place in the world.

Well, that was a few years ago and so much has happened since then. It didn’t happen overnight, and I can’t lie that it was easy or comfortable, but things did change, most importantly, I changed. I was hard not to notice in my beautiful dresses, and I came to realise that I wasn’t particularly small, being of average height and weight. Once I had got over the initial discomfort of being noticed, I started to enjoy the attention I received, particularly from other ladies. I was asked where I had acquired my clothes and when I told them that they were all my own designs, I was asked to make dresses for them too.
I am now the head of a very successful design studio. I design material for the clothing industry, and I have just expanded into soft furnishings.

You can always spot my designs as they are bright and bold and joyful. Very much like I am now.